J'ai une grenouille dans mon bidet! - Luke Quantrill reviews the Quantum Of Solace trailer

Coca-Cola's Pepsi Zero Vimto Dr Pepper Fanta Bing 7-Up Sunkist Lilt Happy Shopper Lemonade Tizer Sprite Panda Pop Tango Um Bongo James Bond, here played by Daniel Craig, who, ironically, always looks like he's been eating those sour fizzy cola bottle sweets, is back in action and this time he's isotonic and available in sixteen flavours.

As the new QOS trailer began to play on my computer I was immediately struck by the incredible boldness of the new Eon. Entire dialogue scenes in French! After making cinematic history in Casino Royale by becoming the first people ever to use black and white to indicate a flashback scene, Eon had now thrown all caution and invisible cars - not to mention panache and a Bond over 5'9 - to the wind and, for the first time ever, included foreign language scenes in a 007 film. Then I realised I was viewing the wrong link. About three hours later I found the correct English language version and tried again. Then my computer froze. (Get on with it - Editor)

Is it possible to write anything about Bond now without mentioning Jason Bourne? Oh, I think I just did. The trailer is a cut above the limp teaser trailer and so it should be. Yes, it looks ok. Yes, it looks action packed and well made. Yes, it looks generic and like a Jason Bourne imitation. We all have our opinion on Daniel Craig by now. I still believe Craig should be playing a roadsweeper or something in an ITV drama with, I don't know, Mark Strong or Robson Green. Bobby Davro maybe.

When they play up Mr White (or whatever his name was) and go on about the 'Quantum' ("Tenuous? Us?") organisation as if it's the most incredibly serious and shocking development in cinema history, as they do in this trailer, it confirms that I'm not emotionally invested in this film. "Who are they Bond?" blabbers M like Clive Dunn in "Don't panic!" mode in Dad's Army. "Oh, I don't know," you wish Craig would reply. "I think they might be hairdressers."

I don't mind the more serious Bond films at all. I love The Living Daylights and OHMSS. I love FRWL. I've always liked Licence To Kill. But QOS does look like doom and gloom to me. James Bond is supposed to be a bit more fun than Jason Bourne.  "Get in," says that bird whatsherface. "Alright," says Daniel Craig. Moments like this are left floating in the trailer as if they are jokes. "There are jokes in this book?" as Tom Paulin said after reading a Terry Pratchett novel.

This review was brought to you by 'Krazy Kola'.
 
- Luke Quantrill