|
Daniel Craig: The Nightmare Employee
Forget licence to kill, if James
Bond lived by the same HR rules as the rest of us he would barely make
it out of the office he’d be so swamped with paperwork, new research
has found.
From eye-watering
insurance and expenses claims to mountains of health and safety forms,
if Bond was a typical employee he’d spend more time pen-pushing than
gun-slinging.
Ahead of the launch of Spectre
later this year, office suppliers Viking, has gone back over Daniel
Craig’s three depictions of Bond. Applying traditional HR rules and
regulations to 007 in Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace and Skyfall,
Viking found that Bond would be looking at insurance claims totalling
in excess of £1.5million.
His high-stakes gambling in
Casino Royale and the multitude of damage to property he’s responsible
for in Skyfall would have seen MI6’s most infamous agent’s expenses
claim rocket past the £17m mark.
Filling at least 23 health and
safety forms and applying for numerous travel visas would also have
kept Bond chained to his desk for hours at a time.
It’s not just the mountains of
paperwork and eye-watering costs associated with 007 that make him a
questionable employee though.
Bond would have been looking
down the barrel at no less than 47 disciplinaries thanks to acts such
as breaking into M’s house in Skyfall, hacking into her files in Casino
Royale and numerous occurrences of wilful damage of property.
Ruud Linders of Viking Europe, said:
“Bond certainly wouldn’t be
winning any employee of the month trophies with 47 disciplinaries and
he definitely wouldn’t be making any friends in the accounts department
trying to claim back those expenses.
“If the Bond films followed real
life HR protocols – and we’re not for a second saying they should! –
they would be utterly dull; just Daniel Craig hunched over a desk
writing out form after form.”
Viking asked James Bond fans how they thought Craig’s version compared to his predecessors as an employee.
Sean Evans of Back to the Movies Blog (bttm.co.uk), said:
“I think Sean Connery in You Only Live Twice racked up quite a total and would have surely sent M into therapy.
I would have to say insurance
forms [would be the biggest office admin headache for Bond], the amount
of explosions, property damage and ruined equipment would rack up a
hefty total to the point where he wouldn't be trusted with bubble wrap
let alone a pistol!”
Matt Spaiser, owner of James Bond fan site, thesuitsofjamesbond.com, said:
“I don't think any of the other
Bonds would be as terrible as an employee as Daniel Craig's is, but
Timothy Dalton would also be a bad employee.
“He disregards M's orders
to kill a KGB general because his instincts tell him he shouldn't. He
destroys an Aston Martin V8 and does nothing to prevent his fellow
agent Saunders from being killed.
“Good employees don't let their co-workers get killed right under their noses. This is all in one film."
Tom Huffner, owner of James Bond fan site, bondmovies.com, said:
“I would say insurance forms and
the claims that might follow each of his missions. No matter the
property, gadget, car or gun he is assigned from Q branch, they always
seem to get either lost or damaged.
“I'm sure that filling out the
claims forms would be an easy task, but working with an adjuster and
actually determining a claim's legitimacy would likely push Bond to
indulge in a martini or two.”
Luke Quantrill, of Alternative 007, had this to say:
“I'd bill Daniel Craig's idiot
Bond for everything - including a refund on my cinema ticket for
Quantum of Solace. That's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
This imbecile shouldn't be allowed to leave the house let alone be
employed as an MI6 agent. I don't know about being swamped with
paperwork. Can he even read? The man can't even eat food without
keeping his gob shut. Wouldn't it be great if all that paperwork fell
on him?”
*Thanks to viking-direct.co.uk for this interesting article.
c 2015
Alternative 007
|
|
