Sam Smith - Writing's On the Wall

Do you recall Another Way to Die by Jack Wotshisface and and Alicia Keys? Of course you do. How awful was that song? I'm the slick trigger finger for her Majesty. It was surely mission impossible for the Bond series to come up with anything so bad again. Step forward Sam Smith and "Writing's On the Wall" - a song already receiving a cacophony of criticism.

I honestly don't know who Sam Smith is. Was he on one of those moronic X-Factor things? I presume EON just pick the artist they think is going to flog the most CDs rather than look for a great song. Smith claims he wrote Writing's On the Wall in twenty minutes. I think I believe him.

What does it sound like? It sounds like Bulgaria's entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. It's pretty bad. The generic orchestral intro is so generic you suspect it was already on tape somewhere and added by EON to give the theme some sort of Bond residue. Sort of like how they had to add some bars of the 007 theme to Eric Serra's GoldenEye score.

Writing's On the Wall is a dirge. It's gloomy, low-key and tedious. You remember nothing about it afterwards. It's supposed to be emotional and heartfelt but feels synthetic. It's mournful, morose, mediocre.

The strangest thing about the song is the way that Smith tries to sing half of it falsetto but doesn't seem to have the ability to sing in a falsetto! He sounds like a cat squeaking.

Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing EON go for a OHMSS style instrumental next time. What a great way that would be to introduce a new James Bond actor too. Will Daniel Craig be back after Spectre? I have no idea but - with EON's recent track record - I'd be willing to bet the song will be rubbish again whoever is in the tuxedo.

- Jake

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