James Bond: The Body 

James Bond: The Body is a six-issue comic book miniseries published by Dynamite Entertainment between January and June 2018. It was written by Czech-American author Aleš Kot. There are six different stories, which turn out to be connected and form one (somewhat incoherent) narrative. There were three different artists (Luca Casalanguida, Eoin Marron, Rapha Lobosco) involved in this comic, so the art changes wildly from issue to issue - which is quite distracting and ultimately to the detriment of the comic. The ever shifting art alters the tone and also makes the visual depiction of Bond inconsistent. They really should have just stuck with the artist and art style of the first story all the way through.

I have to be honest up front and say that I did not like this comic at all. After a modestly promising start, James Bond: The Body falls off a cliff and never recovers. I never got the impression the writer here has much of a handle on James Bond. 007 feels more like Frank Castle in this comic than the Bond we know from the films or the novels. Bond in this comic isn't witty or suave and seldom displays any interest in the high life. The Body tries to tackle the psychological pressure of being James Bond but this makes the comic feel talky, shallow, and pretentious, not to mention dull.

Oh woe is me, it's so terrible being a spy and a killer. Why did I never have a family? Don't try and drag James Bond into reality and angst too much. It just doesn't work. Bond is supposed to be a fantasy. 007 is forced to question his loyalty to his country in the comic. A place that didn't notice Jimmy Savile was not merely a marathon runner and former wrestler. Yes, they really go there. I'm not making this up. A scientist tells Bond why she has become a traitor and Jimmy Savile gets a mention. What?

The comic is also awash with tiresome, at the time topical I suppose, references to the European Union. At one point, Bond travels to Glasgow because three European Union 'dignitaries' (I didn't know the EU was a country) are going to be assassinated. What? Not much in this comic makes any sense. Anyway, let's try to examine each story/issue. The first one works the best because it is fairly simple and Bond is drawn like a cross between the Express strips and Action Man.

In this first story, a battered Bond is being patched up by a doctor and tells the tale of how he had to foil an assassination at some swanky function in Paris. Bond posed as a waiter at the event but he didn't know who the assassin was so he had to use his own intuition and study body-language to identify the killer before the murder could happen. This first story is ok. They really should have framed the whole comic like this. Just have Bond talking to the doctor and then we would learn how each injury or scar was related to a particular mission. That could have worked quite well, especially if they stuck with the art style of the first issue all the way through.

In the second story, Bond is tasked with interrogating a brilliant female scientist who has turned traitor to Britain and given away the details of a deadly virus. Or something along those lines. Bond is a complete tabula rasa while she is chatty and relaxed. He is only interested in extracting the information MI6 requires but she talks about why she betrayed her country (though all is not quite as it seems) and what motivated that decision. Her complaints include Jimmy Savile (honestly) and Britain being mean to Native Americans hundreds of years ago.

These seem like quite random explanations for treason to me. I'm surprised she didn't include the sitcom Duty Free and complain that it wasn't actually filmed in Spain. That's exactly the sort of underhand dishonesty she expects of Britain. Bond is very polite through all of this and even treats her to a slap-up breakfast. In the end the scientist doesn't provide the relevant information he so subjects her to waterboarding. What a fun comic eh? I didn't care much for the art in this second story. Bond looks weird and is drawn with a wonky mouth.

The third story features Bond in a sauna with a large group of drunken tattooed neo-Nazis. Yes, you did read that right. I have no idea where this story takes place or what nationality anyone is (the head neo-Nazi says 'arse' a few times - is he Australian? British? I don't know) but the general gist of the story is that the neo-Nazis are arms dealers selling some new type of machine gun and Bond is posing as a buyer. Bond is there to foil the plans of the arms dealers and presumably to find out more about this new weapon.

Bond ends up murdering everyone like The Punisher (with dual wielded machine guns no less) but not before delivering a long speech (too long one might venture) about how neo-Nazis are most likely repressed homosexuals. Someone like Garth Ennis might, on his better days, have made such a bizarre premise like this funny with a twist in the tale but Aleš Kot is most assuredly not Garth Ennis. This third story is rather dreadful on the whole and doesn't feel like it belongs in any James Bond universe.

The fourth story begins with Bond in Glasgow to chase an assassin and foil a false-flag operation (which is never really explained or maybe my attention was drifting by now and I missed it). He ends up in a car chase (brief glimpse of the Aston Martin) and wakes up in the Highlands where a woman (who used to be a doctor) has patched him up. Bond hides up there in the remote house and awaits what he presumes will be the assassin trying to finish the job. Bond appreciates the peace and solitude and begins to wonder what his life could have been like if wasn't a spy and killer. Oh woe is me etc.

The woman who shelters Bond lives in a cabin made of wood and conveniently has a shotgun in the cupboard. Is there really anyone in the Scotland of 2018 (when this comic came out) who lives in a wooden house and has a shotgun next to the Custard Creams in the pantry? Who wrote this stupid comic? This fourth story is absolutely tedious. Bond drinks coffee and, woe is me (again), reflects on what a strange and sad life he leads. Bond literally doesn't cop off with a single woman in this comic. There is no galivanting. No guzzling vodka-martinis. This comic makes being James Bond seem about as exciting as being an order picker in a carpet warehouse.

The next story begins with Bond leaping over rooftops like Spider-Man. This would be a bad death, he muses, while nearly slipping. Isn't that line stolen from Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns? The endless inner monologues seem very Miller inspired too (and not in a good way). This story basically has Bond trying to get the virus to safety in the city but he's tasered by a police officer (who obviously doesn't know Bond works for MI6) and has a scrap with a villain. The simplicity of this story should make it work but it isn't terribly exciting and the art doesn't quite work for me. The interior monologues are pretentious and clunky too.

The final story takes place in a London pub. Bond meets Felix Leiter (who has long hair for some reason) and they basically explain the plot (such as it is) to the reader and try to tie everything together. The art is quite good in this final story but as I didn't really care about the plot in this comic I was clock watching by now and ready to move on. We learn in this final story that Felix Leiter is a big fan of scotch eggs. Honestly. He loves them. The comic draws to a low-key and melancholic sort of ending with this final issue set in the pub. Felix is not immune to the woe is me stuff either. What a murky, strange old business we both work in etc.

I did not enjoy The Body on the whole. The first issue is reasonably decent but after that the comic becomes inconsistent and quite dreadful in places. Some of the art is weak and the loose connecting story thread with the virus is vague and not terribly interesting. The writing is clunky and there is no wit. Worst of all, this comic actually makes James Bond seem like a boring character. So begone Aleš Kot. Never darken my Bond door again.

- Jake

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